A little ‘thank you’ would be nice.
So I’m hiding away in bed as all three boys have migrated downstairs and inevitably football will be put on and I don’t really want to watch football, I don’t really want to be responsible just yet, I don’t want to listen to the whines and demands from small people, I don’t want to start the day of juggling who has my attention first, I just want to hide for a moment longer.
I am thankful for small moments like this as I don’t get many child free opportunities before I am pounced upon, slimed all over and scaled like a tree from two monkey like creatures. Yet as I sit here in my moment of calm and I think about what needs to be done today, what shopping needs to be bought, what meals to be made and I wonder does the other half of the adult part of this household think the same??? **
I write this as I feel a little unjust now and again as to how I’m the one who does most of the thinking, prepping, doing (maybe this is more to do with fluctuating hormones than an unfair split of the “chores”). Its been stated to me before “that is your job” as I’m the stay at home parent but a little heartfelt thanks now and again wouldn’t go amiss especially recently with our travelling dramas trying to get to Center Parcs.
Thank you for all the laundry that’s washed and ironed and put away. OK yes he does help to fold now and again but sometimes his “folding” is just laying items of clothing on top of one another which then requires actual folding when they are placed away into drawers. Maybe I need to not leave it until it gets to this point.
Thank you keeping the fridge stocked, meals planned and snacks in the cupboards for when he needs his 8pm fix of nibbles and sweets.
Thank you for the meals made each day, even when I can’t be arsed I still knock up something for us all to eat conscious of the number of vegetables needed to consume to warrant it being a healthy meal.
Thank you for breastfeeding for over a year, saving him getting up in the night to do feeds. I’m not discounting the times he’s gotten up to fetch a small child to me because those few moments are a saving grace on top of having to feed, but he’s not had to offer his breast and freeze his arse off whilst trying to keep a small child quiet, fed and sleepy.
Thank for cleaning multiple times a day, I know it doesn’t look like it when he walks through the door but I’ve cleaned, wiped, sprayed, organised and swept at least twice if not three times in a day just so we can have a house that doesn’t look like we have been completely ransacked.
*disclosure: I am sometimes the instigator of mess by encouraging messy play so I do bring that upon myself.
Thank you for ensuring there are plenty of nappies and wipes ordered when stocks diminish, no there isn’t a magic nappy fairy that delivers these wonders.
Thank you for just getting on with dealing with life when he’s staying away with work. Yes it’s work but it’s still a full nights sleep undisturbed, a restaurant meal, time alone, opportunities to enjoy the gym/pool/sauna/jacuzzi/run by the beach, I KNOW it’s work but there are some good perks there, there are no such perks with my “work”.
Thank you for always making sure the boys have clothes that fit and all the while wanting to buy nice pretty things for them I remain sensible and resort to waiting patiently for Sainsburys 25% off clothes sales to kit them out, dreaming of a day when I can buy them something that isn’t just from a supermarket.
Thank you for all the prepping and planning for the recent break away to Center Parcs, the time spent online ordering, shopping and packing all while I had both boys to entertain everyday over the half term holiday.
Thank you for thinking of ways to solve problems we encountered whilst trying to go to Center Parcs itself with the car breaking down. Pass me my cape I’m supermum today.
Thank you for single handedly fixing the roof box to the car (okay I have to give him his dues he did start fixing it but I had to take over as things weren’t going to plan and stress levels were high enough.)
Thank you for fitting everything into the car while juggling a small monster who didn’t want to leave mummy.
Thank you for making breakfast everyday whilst we were away, no relaxing for mummy on such breaks away but still delivering gastronomical goodness.
Thank you for taking the boys to a party and giving you almost five and half hours to yourself because you felt unwell. (Although thanks to hubby for walking and showering the dogs and making some tea for the boys for when we got home that was very much appreciated.)
Thank you for planning Christmas and birthdays, buying the presents and cards for all the family and the boys, buying the celebratory food, making the meals, making the cakes.
Actually maybe this doesn’t need a thank you as I choose to plan parties, make invites and make the cakes for the boys, this isn’t a necessity this is me making work for myself, will I learn? Nope because I enjoy doing these sorts of things, just because I do them doesn’t mean I should get thanks for it so scrap that one.
The list could go on but then it would seem like I do everything and dear ol’ hubby does nothing which isn’t true, he does do things, he’s very good at doing things, he does help out a lot, he is a great dad.
** I can hear the dishwasher being loaded and nappies being changed. (I was selfishly kind of hoping that if I stayed up here long enough I would be brought a cup of tea so I could end this post with “aaaw he’s a good egg really” but he hasn’t quite mastered mind reading, maybe next time ?)
I guess I’m just wanting a little recognition for what I have done especially more so recently because it feels like I’ve worked my ass off.
Maybe I’m being really selfish, why am I asking for thanks for things that I’m doing to make my own life easier and for things that need to be done anyway? If I was single parent and doing all of this who would be thanking me then???
I guess it boils down to this being my “job” as it were and sometimes it’s nice to feel recognised with the efforts you make, the time you give and the sacrifices you make, I’m not asking for much, just a little “Thank you” here and there.
But have I actually thanked my husband for going to work each day and bringing home a pay packet?!?!? Have I considered the time away from the boys he has to sacrifice because of the early starts and late finishes and the nights away, have I thought about all the times he’s missed and memories he’s not been part of because he’s the one that is going to work whilst I stay at home. Now there’s food for thought.
So maybe amongst the whinging and whining and the tales of “woe is me, isn’t life so hard being a stay at home mum” maybe I need to take a step back and give thanks and appreciate that at least I’m not at work right now – extended maternity leave = amazing, going back to work soon = sucks, but being a dad who’s missed out on all that I’ve had with the boys = heartbreaking at times.
Maybe we need to give each other a moment to say a little “Thank You” and show our appreciation for what we do for our family, it’s so easy to get swept along in the day to day things and feel like you’re the only one swimming against the tide but is that really what’s going on? Probably not, we have our strengths within a relationship and family, some are the day to day things, some are the things you don’t see. Sometimes you need to stop, look, appreciate and be thankful for what’s around you.
“Thank you, keep up the good work, you’re doing great”