Maximum effort please mummy!
No one can ever really prepare you for parenthood, as pregnancy takes over and you become a glowing mum to be – or in my case a huffing and puffing waddling penguin, you observe other people’s children with naivety and think I won’t do that *staring at the mum losing the will to live, my children won’t do that *watching as the smallest human being screams the place down in an inconsolable state, I will never raise my voice *as you hear the shriek of a child’s name followed by some super nanny consequence to whatever misbehaviour is being displayed. But you know what….you will, no matter how many books you read, or how many classes you take, your children will slowly break you down and make you crumble into a thousand vulnerable pieces and you will be on the edge of jacking it all in and packing your bags.
This parenting malarkey is hard f@#*ing work, today’s example: an over tired 5month old.
You know they are tired…they know they are tired but the logical step of trying to fall asleep is beyond their capabilities…instead they will thrash, flail, wiggle, cry, shout, slap (yes 5mo babies can give a good slapping as they wave their uncoordinated limbs around) they will do anything but go to sleep. And you know what else, babies are fitted with a effort gauge…if you are not giving maximum effort then forget it, you are screwed.
I tried the usual, “would you like your favourite boob?” after his reaction I will not be offering his favourite boob again for a while….not until my nipple has regained it’s shape. I tried the gentle rock, the bum jiggle, the more vigorous jiggle, the stand and sway, the ssshhhing, the holding close swaddling *pins limbs down to prevent flailing. In the end I have had to walk up and down the garden, pacing like a woman possessed all in the hope that he would finally relax and let sleep take over.
He had the bloody nerve to look at me and smile…I mean he knows doesn’t he – maximum effort mummy, anything less and I will not let you rest.
Where’s that in your parenting handbook??? So any naive blossoming, glowing mum’s to be, never underestimate the power of an overtired baby *oh but my baby will have scheduled nap times. Yeah whatever…see you on the flip side!!