Golden goddess or sweaty sea sloth

So here’s what I have learnt or had reaffirmed since arriving to sunny Spain. I am not a beach goddess….I do not even resemble a smidgen of a beach goddess. I do not emerge out of the sea Halle Berry style all toned, golden and glamorous in my swimming attire, I splutter and stumble as I attempt to wade out of the waters only to be knocked over by a wave. I do not possess sun kissed tousled tresses I am lucky if I haven’t got a complete nest on my head from where my hat has been never mind the salty sweaty dread like knots that form over the course of the day. I do not turn golden brown whilst away in sunnier climates instead I transition throughout various shades of white with patchwork red patches that may end up tanned if I am lucky. I enviously gaze upon the slender golden bodies strewn around me as if I had stumbled across a beach of swimwear models. I stick out like a sore thumb.

It’s not just on the beaches I am out of place, generally sunny climates do not suit me. I am not evolved enough to withstand such beautiful places, any hint of a mosquito and I erupt into volcanic sized itchy mounds. As soon as one of the little bastards has a nibble I become a walking buffet for all things bitey. Don’t get me wrong I love exploring new holiday destinations, I get immense pleasure from gazing across the horizon and hearing the waves crash against the rocks….I am just not made for these places.

The view from the apartment....stunning!

I am convinced whenever I turn up to a beach or pool there is a pert bottomed, firm boobied golden beach babe just waiting to elegantly lay herself in the close vicinity to where I lie. If I didn’t feel self conscious enough, seeing this envious sight makes me feel like a albino beached whale or a sweaty sea sloth.

I thought I had done well recently by starting running. I marvelled at how svelte my thighs were starting to look, cellulite finally smoothing out, muscle definition starting to show, I had even lost a few inches here, there and everywhere… soon as I touched down into Barcelona and felt the first waft of heat all that hard work seem to dissappear as I started to swell in the 30 degree heat…yep just like bridges and roads in summer I also expand with heat, what were dainty little feet are now swollen flippers morphing into my cankles, my slightly flatter mum tum had now exploded into full on 5 month pregnant belly.

But you know what my babies don’t care what mummy looks like. My husband still says I look beautiful (he’s learnt to say the right things) and even comments that said golden goddess isn’t actually pretty and her boobs are fake (he’s a keeper) so I shall embrace my wibbly beach body and just enjoy the time away with my family however all photos will be of my shoulders or above…this figure is not being documented, in fact I will just take the photos of everyone else and tag myself in them afterwards just to let people know I did actually go on a holiday and it’s not just a documented wondrous week of fun and laughter had by all my boys.

Maybe its time to no longer give a shit, there will always be someone skinnier, prettier, dressed better blah blah blah I can’t waste precious moments worrying about what I look like when I have my boys shouting for mummy to play, look for fish, build sandcastles, jump in the pool etc.

Now is the time to sit back, relax, enjoy the view and make memories with my family. I will be back home before I know it and I will have to get back into the running…uh!!Maybe I should have another beer.

A rare child free moment.

Baby Brain Memoirs

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About me

I am a wife, a high school teacher, a mum of two and occasionally I dabble in the fine art of cake baking and decorating. I am bumbling my way into the blogging world upon the request of some fellow mum chums so here goes.