The dreaded beach holiday
I am not for one moment being ungrateful about going on a holiday, in fact I’m very grateful that we are able to indulge in such a luxury especially since maternity pay has properly kicked in (boo) and for the first four years of my relationship with hubby we could only dream of being able to go away on holidays.
What I am dreading is being somewhere so warm that minimal clothing is required….in fact swim wear will be worn for the majority of the time. This is what I am dreading. Having had two babies in two years, my figure is far from the ‘fat body’ I had pre babies…..man I yearn for that fat body now. Why did I spend so much time worrying about my figure then????
So I have a three week countdown and I’m panicking….I’ve radically cut my chocolate consumption and upped my steps per day. I have switched cheese and ham toasties for superfood salads and quinoa and I have even entered the world of running….I say running what I actually mean is a fast walk/limp along as I attempt to strap anything that moves down with sportswear. I thought I had done well to find a sports bra that contained the wild milk beasts that are my boobs but nothing prepared me for seeing my belly bounce up and down when I ran, I was mortified, the boobs – motionless, the belly – well let’s just say it’s now been firmly tucked into very tight running pants that have been pulled up high Simon Cowell style.
I am not going to claim that I am fit in any sense, I excuse various parts of my body for its size with the main excuse that it was built for stability not for beauty…nor the catwalk, but I do like to think I can go the distance…at a slow tortoise like pace. My first run proved me wrong, it is safe to say that I cannot go the distance, in fact I probably got about a km down the road before my half arsed running became a floppy walk as I was dragging my feet along but I have not been deterred because last week I attempted my second proper run and I RAN 2.5km. Yes that’s right people I ran the whole way. I now feel like an Olympic champion and I was severely disappointed when there wasn’t a medal waiting for me at home. Following on from my successful actual run I have had a few more accomplishments this past week.
So scrumptious jammy doughnuts you will no longer taunt me and whisper sweet delicious nothings in my ear…yes I want you but my tankini is awaiting and I do not wish to lurk in the shadows whilst on holiday. Nor do I wish to repulse the slim and beautiful as I waddle my pasty jelly belly around so for the next three weeks I shall continue this quest for a slightly lesser jiggly belly and potentially have thighs that don’t rub as much as they do now as I do not wish to bulk buy lubricants so I can wear shorts in the beautiful Spanish sunshine. Maybe…just maybe I will attempt to keep this up once I return from sunnier climates. I do have a growing pile of skinny jeans in the bottom of my wardrobe that ‘could’ be worn once again albeit with a pair of spanx as I don’t think I will ever truly contain the jiggle.
Best get munching some quinoa….uh oh just spotted a cream doughnut in the fridge, time to start the hourly battle with my conscience – why does it have to talk so much sense?!?!? Damn you conscience and your wise words.